We sat surrounded by friends and family. “And their ages?” she asked. Her eyes widened as I answered, from age four to 15. “And how many?” Five. She remarked that I looked good for having had five children. “You homeschool them all?” Later, as she lifted her glass of sweet tea, the question came. One I’d been asked before. Just not recently. “So, are your children socialized?”
I looked at her with understanding. We homeschoolers are a curiosity. People wonder what we do. She doesn’t know that there are really only two weekdays we are home for the majority of the day. So I took the easy route and gave her the immediate answer. Yes. We are members of a homeschool group made up of 65 families. We go to the park most every week to play with children of all ages.
Are Your Children Socialized?
Yes…yes, ma’am, I know about co-ops. And yes, we really are homeschooling high school. Yes, really. And so far, it is going very well. It’s continuing education for me, I admitted. I’m always learning. Looking to see how best these children of mine learn. And this year, the responsibility has spread. Because, high school is not only the focus. A ready preschooler and first grader are stretching my mama – teacher abilities as well.
“Well, if you can do it on your own, I think that is a great thing,” she said.
And we moved on to dessert. But there’s so much more to it, I thought to myself. Does she know how blessed I am? There’s really no way for her to know the true richness of our days – being a referee between siblings, picking up the puzzle pieces, rinsing that stack of dishes in the sink, reading that book one more time, having that conversation with my young adult…
Dear long time friend of the family, yes. My children are socialized. I couldn’t give you a full peek into my day to prove this to you. But I can share some snippets. Those that blaze through my mind right now. Socialized. Hmmm.
1 [ no obj. ] mix socially with others: he didn’t mind socializing with his staff.
2 [ with obj. ] make (someone) behave in a way that is acceptable to their society: newcomers are socialized into orthodox ways | (as adj. socializing) : a socializing
My youngest children, ages four and six, they rise each day shortly after me. They sit with me on the couch while I finish up my quiet time. They hop down and go play together. Yesterday morning they argued over a new stuffed animal. Each wanted to play with it. They had to work it out. We talked about the screaming. We talk about kind and necessary. They ask forgiveness of each other.
My older ones, they get little breaks in their school days. Bend down low and play with their younger siblings. The swinging sisters, I call them, they head to the backyard. They swing and they sing together. Eight years apart in age and they long to have this time. Older ones daily learn patience with the little ones. Little ones daily look up to big ones.
Do you see? Each of my children. They are not with children their own age during school hours. But they are with four other children of various ages. They get a chance to engage in socializing on all kinds of age levels. Daily.
We are part of a wonderful fellowship of believers. Each week each of my children learn with other children in their age bracket – in Bible study. They also participate in discipleship, mission friends, children’s choir, puppets. Several times throughout the year they perform for a packed sanctuary of people.
My eldest? She’s a part of the youth group at church. She’s on the lead team there. This means it is her job, her calling to be purposeful in making others in her age range feel welcome at church activities – from sixth graders up to 12th graders. It’s her job to welcome fellow young adults.
Guess what? My grandmother lives just 20 minutes from us! We get to visit with her. We long to go to Mama Ann’s house and play. Some of our best memories are built while we run through her yard, get muddy in her creek. And then we sit and listen to her tell of that steamy August day that she and my grandfather were married.
Two of my girls, they are part of a Christian drama troupe. The goal of this troupe is to glorify God. Young people, ages 7 up to 17, devote hours to performing a play with His message. They have to work together – improv. All 40 students led by Godly parents who have completely volunteered their time.
For the Curious – A Gentle Answer to Are Your Children Socialized?
Each of my children? they are gifted and unique. As all children are. Often I wonder how each of my five could possibly be so very different. I have boisterous, outgoing children who boldly ask adults scientific questions. Sometimes a bit too boldly. We’re working on that. I also have shy ones. These shy ones have slowly made progress with eye contact, have regular practice speaking to adults. Stepping out in comfortable yet slightly more uncomfortable social situations. Building confidence upon confidence.
You see, we are concerned with the hearts of our children. The whole picture. A firm foundation. Socialization, as you refer to it, is not our goal. Yes, we practice manners. Yes, my children have long-time childhood friends outside the family. But there is a bigger picture. When we drop them at that Sunday School door…send them off for that event… we whisper in their ear, shine for Jesus.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Psalm 127:4
But even more importantly, I don’t do it on my own. See, I partner with my husband. He heads up our homeschool. Our family. He makes sure things are running smoothly. He pulls the microscope out on the weekends with the big kids. He reads Leading Little Ones to God on weeknights. He sends the text to ask, “how is it going today?”
Ultimately, though, what I didn’t tell you is that daily I am leaning on the everlasting arms. It’s not easy but the joy of the Lord is my strength. With God all things are possible. If our children know this then they will long to ‘mix socially with others.’ That good news in their hearts? They can’t help themselves – they will want to tell you.
Then the question that really gets my homeschool hackles standing on end. It comes. She asks,
“Do you ever regret this decision? Your decision to homeschool?”
I suppose I could react poorly. Wonder if anyone ever asks a similar question of another parent? Do you ever regret your decision to send your child to school? But I wonder if she knows how it feels to be seeking His will.
Instead, I smile and look right at her. Can she see my Mama heart? I sure hope she can. Dear long-time friend of the family… “We are not without our days. Those tough days. But no. I have never regretted it. I would never exchange the time I’ve had with my children. To invest in their lives. Scoop them up. Not to mention the individualized education we are able to offer. We know how best our children learn and we are often adjusting to do the very best job.”
They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.
And am I concerned with socialization? Well… maybe I pause when you ask. But ultimately, dear long-time friend of the family…
…I haven’t really even touched the surface with my answer to you.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4
-originally published 2012
Tricia — I just love this: “They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.”
This post is beautiful and yes, it’s so hard to fully explain it, isn’t it? It’s just a huge blessing that we can’t always put into words.
This is beautiful! i love how you shared your heart! Hugs, my fellow homeschooling Mom =-)
Tricia, you have touched my heart with this post! It exactly describes how I feel about this glorious opportunity the Lord has provided for us to homeschool our children. I wouldn’t trade a day of this journey for anything!
Thanks for writing this. It has given me the encouragement I needed today!
Tricia–what a beautiful post. “Ultimately, though, what I didn’t tell you is that daily I am leaning on the everlasting arms. It’s not easy but the joy of the Lord is my strength. With God all things are possible. If our children know this then they will long to ‘mix socially with others.’ That good news in their hearts? They can’t help themselves – they will want to tell you.” What better example and lesson for our children to learn–math may never be their forte, spelling may be a struggle, but for them to have God in their hearts, that’s the “schooling” lessons that matter most. Love your photos too–they say so much too.
Thank you, each one of you. I guess what I’ve finally come to realize is that folks are just simply curious about our homeschooling ways. It’s not really a personal assault on my parenting. They just want to know more.
Thank you for the encouragement. I, too, have found that seemingly thoughtless comments I’ve recently received such as, “You must be done by noon every day since you homeschool…” (I have four children ranging in age from 6-16 and most days we’re lucky to be done by dinner), and “You sure must have plenty of free time every day being at home all the time!” are not necessarily meant to be rude, but are out of ignorance and/or genuine interest in how this ‘homeschooling thing’ works.
It’s important to be understanding when we answer what we feel to be rude questions (and maybe they are in essence, but not in motivation, or maybe they do have an ungodly motivation…) with kindness and yet truth. To give grace when we have to really reach for it is good for us…as it causes us to reach for Jesus’ help.
Wonderful article and very encouraging as I raise my two boys and homeschool them (this is my third year). May other people learn more about homeschooling and how beautiful and wonderful it truly is.
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing. Your pictures always enhance your posts so well.
Thank you Kim… I do love to take pictures – especially of these favorite subjects 🙂
Thank you. Reading this brought a smile to my face.
: )
Crazy as it sounds….I think many people who ask this question honestly don’t get how we could spend all day every day with our children and love it. They don’t have any idea how deep our relationships are with our children and how strong the bonds are between siblings who are raised in this style of living and schooling. It simply seems impossible that it could work to those that haven’t experienced it.
I told you to post this post….it is needed, even if it just helps you hone your own feelings. Thanks Tricia.
Thank you for all your sweet support Barb! This post definitely helped me hone my own feelings. And, sadly, yes, I think there are those that don’t understand how we could spend all day with our children and love it and as you said, how strong the bonds between siblings are. As I always say, we certainly have our tough days. But that’s the refining by fire.
As a mom who has had to make the agonizing decision to send my kids back to public school, your article made me cry. Oh, how precious are those moments of sibling rivalry and then forgiveness. How I miss my children being around me and learning throughout our days. Hold onto the precious gift of homeschooling! You are a blessed woman!
Under the same wing,
Joleen
Joleen – thank you and hugs. I do pray that everyone reading this will know that I know not everyone can or wants to homeschool. I have dear friends and close family members who work in the public school arena. These I speak of are truly called to their positions. They minister in a mighty way there. And for that I am so grateful.
And, yes, I am so very grateful and blessed.
So beautiful. Yes, we are a curiosity. More than that….I do believe homeschooling causes fear in some…a fear of looking too deep, a fear of wanting, but afraid to try because…it is hard, it does require so much more than we can truly give of ourselves…it takes the power of the one you lean upon…the one we all lean upon…. You are a blessing…to share this so loving…without judgement, without a negative reaction. People are afraid to ask…because of fear of rejection or what they may learn…..it’s not for us to judge, but to love….and you do that well and you are teaching me well. Thank you!
You are right Rebecca…thank you for your loving words and encouragement.
Beautifully written Tricia. This is my favorite part, “They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.” As a single Mom who is struggling right now because I am laid off I KNOW this is what God wants me to do. To homeschool this beautiful, wonderful child that I have been given. It is so hard to understand to people who do not homeschool. It is hard to make them understand how truly blessed we all feel.
Thank you so much for this encouraging post. I was in tears by the end. I think the Lord used your words today (I found your article through pinterest) to shore me up in my homeschool momma’s journey. You are a blessing. Thank you.
Homeschooling hugs to you Holly. He indeed does shore us up, doesn’t He? Thank you for your sweet comment.
This is my new favorite post. You said it all so well, and so gently. I think too often we (homeschooling moms) can easily veer into condemning thoughts of those who don’t understand our calling. But you said everything without backing down from your convictions, yet with love and patience. You touched on all the practicalities, yet emphasized the real heart of the matter.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
Jamie – what a blessing you are to me, friend. You said it so well. We can sometimes be immediately defensive in our reaction to those that don’t understand our calling. Thank you.
So very glad that you posted on this today! Homeschooling is a FAMILY journey, and Mama, you drive a wonderful bus for all involved…I was not a believer at first, but have “Put on my armor” a few times in defense of homeschooling. There are great, wonderful benefits to be had for students that are schooled in the home, and who, I ask, is a better natural teacher than a child’s parent? So very, very proud of you all!
Forever,
N.
Love you Nana!! So grateful to you for all the love you have shared, grown, placed and continue to give – to our lives.
Uplifting, encouraging. A model of response for homeschool Mamas all around. Well done, Tricia…thank you for posting and sharing!
Fabulous post, Tricia!
Thanks for sharing! It was wonderful!!
Love it, Tricia! I never get the socialization questions any more. There are so many more homeschooling families nowadays that most people “get” it. I guess I should say pretend to get it! 🙂 But at least they understand that socialization just isn’t an issue any longer. If it ever was….
After having several frustrating homeschooling days in the past couple of weeks, this article lifted my spirits. This is my first official year of doing this for kindergarten (although we have done some “schooling” during the younger years) and I have no idea if we will do this for future years. I just know that it is the right thing to do right now. Those of you who have done this for many years for many age/grade levels have my respect! 🙂
I just found this post through Pinterest and this is so beautiful! What a wonderful and gracious response! 🙂 This is our third year of homeschooling, and we have faced challenges and opposition, as well as simple curiosity, and it can be difficult not to respond defensively. I know that this is the life God has called our family to, and I feel so blessed! Thank you so much and God bless!
You’re doing a wonderful job. God is so faithful. Homeschooling is a magnificent journey. It’s not easy but it is a worthwhile adventure. If people only knew….
homeschooling ….family…..learning…..oh so different and hard to picture and for some to understand…especially those who don’t have children….loved learning about it…
This is our first year officially homeschooling all 5 of our children (ages 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10) and I LOVE being with them and watching them learn and grow together. This post is so encouraging and uplifting! I have family members who will ask how we intend to socialize our children….as if our children never leave home. I know they are just curious and they don’t understand what a blessing it is to be able to be with my children all day every day. Yes, it is extremely hard at times but I know this is God’s plan for our family, and HE is my strength. Thanks so much for sharing and God bless you and your family 🙂
Thank you! We are very new on this home schooling journey (my oldest is 5), but already people question why I would want to home school, how I will prevent them from being weird, home schooled kids, and so on. So far it has done nothing more then frustrate me. I hope I can learn to respond with such eloquence.
Here is another online definition for socialization. I don’t most people would want this if they knew:
1.
a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.
2.
the act or process of making socialistic: the socialization of industry.
A beautiful and humble response, very gently put. Your mummy heart shines!
Why thank you Claire!
I think people often don’t realize what they are saying when they ask, “What about socialization.” It’s got to be the most annoying (and ridiculous) question. Why aren’t they worried about academics? I never get asked about that!
Thanks for sharing. You have a delightful blog!
Thank you Tricia for this article. As a mother of 4, ages 7 months to almost 13, and a product of homeschooling myself, I relate to your thoughts and am encouraged by them. Keep the articles coming!
Susan – Thank YOU for encouraging!
Tricia, I so appreciated reading this as I have struggled with this question over and over again. The heart of the matter isn’t socializing as you said, but heart training. Thank you for these words that spoke and resonated in my heart!
Oh thank you for your sweet comment this morning Lauren! And yes, it’s all about heart training.
Great outline of the things that keep us in it for the long haul! I love it! I was homeschooled until 6th grade, then put in public school. Even as the oldest of 5, I always faced an inability to socialize with people my own age… but I think it was more due to my Mother’s own social fears rather than my being homeschooled. Being homeschooled might have fostered a discontent with others’ shallowness or nonspirituality but I was rarely judgemental. I truly feared their backlash if I said anything from years of hearing my Mom share about being judged or mistreated for using her voice. So, it really is more powerful to have a good model of being social, than it is to be public schooled, in my opinion.
The only thing I would mention is, and I say this with a lot of love because I have been there as I work to homeschool my children is, be very careful not to let the hurt or exhaustion of these sorts of questions start to build up in your spirit. It lends itself to bitterness and unforgiveness. Your post is wonderful in that it answers all of her questions directly and deeply on paper, but it almost seems like you decided not to share the deepest part of your heart with her (maybe she is too shallow to go there with you) — and instead, it almost comes across as passive aggressive. I know we homeschoolers and homeschooler moms face a lot of questions almost naturally, but that is a ministry opportunity! People need to know how fulfilling it is and how we lean on Jesus for the rough days — they need to hear that they could do the same on their own rough days and have just as fulfilling a life by listening to God. I know we also have our own insecurities…. but I urge you to trust God only and please Him only — with your mind and heart and service to your children. It is only Him who has the power to change what you are doing, and you are walking with Him closely so you’ll hear it! Even if he told you to change, he would never say “What you have been doing wasn’t good enough,” like all those other people who question you, would. No, he would gently and lovingly steer you in a new direction and say, “See? There is something new I want you to do now.”
I don’t know/I hope this all encourages you. I felt led to speak about it, even though I don’t know you from Eve. I pray you have a blessed and holy day. I pray that the slime and grim of others’ pointed questions would wash off of you completely and that you would feel total freedom to sidestep any questions when you are not up to answering them. Regards and Blessings from one homeschooling Mama to another, — DM
Exactly!!! 🙂
As a homeschooling mama of 2.. I feel that we owe no explanation to anyone..they might not ever truly understand anyway.. just keep cool, be blessed ,& ENJOY our children!!!
What a great post. I always hear people ask about the socialization thing (yes, even today when so many are doing homeschooling) and I have to ask them what they mean by that. With 7 kids, I did public school most of the time. My youngest asked to be home schooled this year. I did home school her older brother a couple years ago for Kindergarten but chose to send him to a public school that offered a more supportive role (he is autistic). My oldest daughter made it through school still loving the Lord and became a very strong Christian adult. She is adamant that she will keep her own children at home because of the struggles she had in public school.
What I see public school offer when it comes to socialization is the following,
* Introduction to drugs and alcohol
* Being taught that every lifestyle should be accepted and even encouraged
* Being taught that God is not real and that all you need is yourself
* Learning how to be disrespectful of their peers and the adults around them
* Making them feel bad if they don’t have …… (insert just about anything here)
* You are not normal if you are not having sex in High School (and maybe even Jr. High)
* Kids telling lies and causing problems between friends (my 7th grader is now asking to be home schooled as well because she comes home crying all the time)
A dear friend of mine was a public school teacher for 15 years and began to home school her 4 children two years ago. She told me of stories of sending her 5th grade school kids off to Jr. High. They would come back just over a year later and she would not even recognize them because the best of the best in the class came back very different children. No longer the sweet children she knew but the hardened stressed out, depressed children they had become.
I was an only child. Watching my 3 kids interact I realize that there probably isn’t anyone in the world that will be hard to get along with then your little brother or sister. At times it pretty intense but it gives us a chance to really work on our interpersonal skills. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I love this!!
Someone asked me this just the other day.
It is definitely a common question – or ‘theme’ 🙂
I loved this!! My dad always gives me a hard time about homeschooling our children/his grandchildren! He says they won’t be “socialized” and won’t get jobs as a result of it. It really annoys me. My son is the most sociable person in our entire family! The negative “socialization” he received in public school was a part of the reason we chose to homeschool! I’m glad other homeschool parents understand how I feel!! Thank you for this! It was very encouraging!!
Just keep up the good work Stefanie! It may take some time but I think your dad will see that his grandchildren are a wonderful homeschool sociable type! And, yes, we fellow homeschool parents just need to link arms and encourage one another when facing questions like this 🙂
One thing that I have run into as a former public school teacher is
“Well, it’s okay for you to homeschool because you’ve been trained and have a license”
This irks me to no end! BLECCCHHKKK!
I wish people would understand that having a license to teach other people’s children is NOTHING like homeschooling! There are so many other moms that have never even been to college that are doing it better than myself!
Thank you. This is absolutely beautiful and inspirational. You really touched my heart. I needed this right now.