I love being married. But let’s face it… there is always something that tries to put a damper on the romance so carefully kindled during courtship and the newlywed period. Whether it’s dirty diapers, screaming toddlers, financial troubles, a leaking septic tank… I could list 100 things, but the fact is, God designed romance in marriage and it’s in our best interest to keep the fire kindling, no matter how low the flame has dwindled.
Keeping the Romance in Your Marriage, or Top Ten Ways to Spice it Up!
At first, I couldn’t think of ten items to list. Then I began chatting with my husband about it, and between us, we came up with about twelve! Since several involved food, I edited some out. These Top Ten Ways are from the wife’s perspective, though I’d love to see what was on the husband’s list!
1. Admire something about him. Make sure it’s genuine… there’s nothing so unflattering as an insincere compliment. Does he have muscular arms? Artistic talent? Business sense? Even if it’s something such as bringing home a paycheck, every man loves to be praised for his accomplishments. They thrive on it! Make it specific—“You’re so good with people… of course they gave you a promotion! You deserve it!”, “Because you are so good at fixing things, we saved money by not having to take the car to the shop!”, “ I love the paint job in the dining room! How did you get the lines so straight?” See if he doesn’t beam at your admiration.
2. Flirt. Whether or not you flirted before you were married, do it now. It’s fun, and adds a bit of spice to a marriage. How you flirt is up to you! Just have fun with it and enjoy the man God gave you.
3. Snuggle up to him in public. In our church service, I see the younger married couples do this. So I scoot over closer to my man. Why should there be space between us just because we’re in our forties?
4. Take time for personal grooming. Put on that perfume he bought you long ago that you stashed in a drawer for a “special occasion.” Brush your hair. Put on a nice outfit. When he comes home, don’t let him see you in torn sweatpants, sighing as you clean a toilet. He’s worked hard all day, too.
5. Fix his favorite foods. Buy the snacks he likes, and keep them at eye level in the pantry. Listen to his culinary likes and dislikes, and cater to them. He’ll notice!
6. Pull a surprise once in awhile. One morning, as soon as he got into the shower, I got into the car and drove to Chick-fil-a, bought my husband’s favorite chicken biscuit and orange juice, and brought it home. It was at his desk when he came downstairs to work. The delight on his face was worth the trouble I took to do it!
7. Write him notes… in his lunch, emails, private facebook messages… even a special “love” card mailed to his work, scented with perfume. Mention little private jokes known only to the two of you. He’ll feel special and know that you’re thinking of him throughout the day (and you’ll probably get a note or two from him!).
8. Be interested in what he’s interested in. Oh, this is hard for me. But I try. I ask questions about software programs and graphic design terms, and know a surface amount of information about them, enough to understand what he’s trying to tell me when he wants to talk about work. The sci-fi movies are another story. I just do my best, knowing that I can enjoy the action and costuming without really understanding the plot (or why anyone would want to watch it! Shhhh!) We can’t always enjoy things at the same level, but I can appreciate that HE enjoys it.
9. Say thank you. A little gratitude goes a long way in keeping the romance in your marriage. For his bringing home a paycheck, helping you with dishes, washing your car. A little thanks goes a long way, especially when it’s for something typically done out of duty.
10. Be mysterious. Don’t always talk about yourself. Let him find some things out for himself. Get a hobby, or read up on a new subject, and spend some time developing yourself in that area. Make time to be that interesting woman he first fell in love with.
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As Valentine’s Day approaches and the subject of love is on our minds, what are some things you would add to this list?
~Written by Kim, The Daisy Muse and originally published February 2013. Last updated February 2021.
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Thank you for the reminders…these things are not difficult to do, but as I approach my 15th year of marriage, I need a reminder to continue to do these things for my husband, even when things are difficult. My husband’s love language is acts of service, so I try to remind myself to do a unexpected chore or cleaning project to surprise him when I can and more importantly notice when he does the same for me(my love language is NOT acts of service, but recognizing that it is how he shows love is important).
Heidi,
You brought up a great point… ministering to others in their love language! If readers are not familiar with love languages, they can take a test to discover theirs here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/.
Thank you, Kim, for these reminders!!!!! Very appropriate on my anniversary today 🙂
Loved your list…it’s a very good one. Our men do indeed desire to be admired…they want OUR admiration in particular.