Originally Posted @ The One Thing on September 11, 2010 by Angie

Jamie @ See Jamie Blog has been high-lighting adoption stories and she ask if I would share our journey to adoption. I have shared our story many times but I have never written it down before. As I start to write it I wonder how can I really tell of our journey without it becoming a book instead of just a single blog post? Those that know me will know why this will be difficult for me to do because they know I am a ‘talker’ and I can go on and on and on! Though I promise I will do my best!

“You know you will probably never have a baby” …………….

those words can really get you to focus on desires that you never knew you had. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to be a mom until I was told I shouldn’t expect to be one. My husband and I talked about children, my medical condition and we prayed. We came to the conclusion that yes we did want children and now we began to pray about our options. I brought up adoption again, I say again because I had actually researched it and talked to my husband about it before but he wasn’t feeling it at that time. He wasn’t ready to jump right into adoption at this time either. Of course that didn’t stop me from researching, looking at list of waiting children and trying to convince him we need to adopt right now. You see when I feel passionately about something I go all out and I felt passionately that this was the way God was going to bring us our child.

We spoke to the doctor about different options and I had a procedure done. During this time I tried to talk my husband into adopting a little boy I saw, then a baby from Russia, and then a sibling group. I am so thankful my husband is so level-headed and more cautious because I would have been out there ahead of God if my husband didn’t reign me in from time to time. I do not know how long it took but my husband came to feel the same way I did and he was ready to go forward with adopting a child. I can not pin point the exact moment but God brought Fostering to Adopt to our attention and we came to know that God was opening the door for us to adopt a child through that program. This was the door to which two precious gifts would be delievered.

We started the classes you had to take, we had a drug test, a physical, we filled out lots pf paperwork, wrote papers about ourselves, we were finger printed and had a back ground check completed. During this time we also prepared our spare room so it would be ready for when we received the call. We really thought there would be no way we could adopt a baby because everyone wants one so we felt right about telling them that we would foster to adopt a child age three to seven. We completed our last class and I do believe it was no more than a week when we received the first phone call about a child. When I realized what this call was about I was nervous and excited but then when they told me that this child was a baby that had just born my heart beat so fast I thought I might pass out. I don’t think I could have been anymore excited than if I had just found out I was pregnant. My mind and my heart told me this was it, this was the child that God had picked out for us.

I got to hold this wee little baby for the first time when he was barely two days old, we brought him home at four days old and I spent almost every waking moment and a lot of sleeping moments with him. I was able to hold him, feed him, change him, bath him, play with him, sing to him, rock him, walk with him in my arms, take him to the doctor, give him medicine when he needed it, shop for him and do all those wonderful daily things moms do for their babies. We fell completely in love with him. We were devastated when at eight months he went home with his father. Each day hurt so much without this little one in my arms. We were ecstatic when a little less than a month later we received a call that he was back in the counties custody and they were bringing him back to us. Once again hope was restored and I felt this little one would be ours. After three more wonderful months with this precious baby we were told he was going with the father for good. Once again we were heart-broken, devastated and a little out of sorts spiritually. Of course now we know that this was God’s best for him and for us.

God had opened a door before baby #1 went home by placing another baby in our home. After much prayer and seeking God I thought this has to be the one that God meant for us. We loved on this baby and took care of him as if he were already ours. I do not know about you but for me babies are so easy to love. It was so easy to imagine this baby as ours, it was easy to imagine him staying forever. The door that God opened though was not for this baby to be ours but it was for Him to be able to love on this baby through us and to prepare us for the one he would be sending us. When baby #2 was about eleven months he was placed with some relatives and even though we know now it was God’s best, at the time I felt hopelessness, emptiness, hurt and pain, I felt that it was unfair that we had to once again bring a baby into our home, fall in love and go through that kind of loss again.

My faith was a little shaken but it wasn’t broken! Through this whole process I would testify to friends, family, my church that I want a baby but I want God’s best more than anything so even if that meant I would never have a child so be it. I would never turn away from my God.

Five days after baby #2 was no longer a part of our lives I received a phone call from a case worker and she said they had a baby boy who needed a home forever. I told her I would call her back, fear was the reason I did not immediately say yes. I was fearful of loving and losing again. I was fearful that it wouldn’t be God’s will for this baby to be ours. I spoke to my husband and ask what we should do? I told him my fears but the more we talked the more it came back around to God and His will. I said that we really felt like fostering to adopt was the way God was going to bring us our child. I said that if we say no to this baby, it will be the same as telling God we do not trust Him and I will NOT do that. So we agreed that we would say yes to this baby, we would say yes to God! Praise God we did say yes because this was the one, this was our baby, our child, our boy, our miracle and our gift number one. The adoption was final ten months after we were able to bring this precious boy into our home, our lives and our hearts. The ten months were not always easy, fear would at times peek over my shoulder but I continued to trust God and as always He was with us every moment of every day. The ten months of holding, loving and caring for our baby was absolutely beyond wonderful!! I had loved those other babies but with our baby everything felt, everything was so much more than words can express. There has never been a doubt that this was God’s very best for us and for our son. He knew from the very beginning of time that this little precious boy would need a mommy and daddy and at the same time God gave my husband and I the privilege of being what this little boy needed.

God had answered our prayers! He did not answer them as soon as we wanted Him to but He did what was best for us and what He thought was best for our son. He had a plan and just as I have always told my beautiful precious boy, God’s plans are always BEST. During the waiting for our child God called us to foster many children that just needed a temporary home where they would be taken care of, loved and told about Him. We are not perfect people but by the grace of God we did the best we could to be what these children needed while in our care. On our journey there were many tears shed, pain, doubts, fears, hard work, frustration, hello’s and good bye’s but Praise God there were also lots and lots of joy, laughs, growing, learning, trusting, strengthening, good surprises, hugs by little arms, hello’s and good bye’s and so much more. We gained far more than we could have ever dreamed possible while on this journey. That was not the end of our journey though. God wasn’t finished with us (actually He still isn’t), to top it all off He allowed us to adopt another beautiful precious baby boy, he was our gift number two!! We are a family of four now and I will be forever grateful to my Lord for being so good to us by allowing the four of us to be a family. God is so good………All the time!!

** I do not have a scanner so I couldn’t share any of their baby pictures. Oh well at every age your kids are beautiful, so I am glad I was able to share the ones I did of our ‘two gifts’ . **